Describe a plan you had to change

Band 6

I would like to talk about a plan I have to changeTense slip: should be “had to change” last April, a picnic by the Charvak reservoir on Saturday with six classmates from my course. We organiseTense slip: should be “had been organising” it for two weeks and everybody had a job, and I was in charge of the wayImprecise word: “route” is more precise and the transport. We agreed to leave at eight in the morning. But on Friday night the forecast sayTense slip: should be “forecast said” heavy rain for all weekend, and the road to the lake is very muddy, so we knew the plan was not goodBasic phrasing; limits Lexical Resource. We wrote many messages, and then we decideTense slip: should be “decided” not to cancel and to go to my friend Timur’s house, which has a big living room. We took the food that we prepared, and Timur’s mother gave us two board games. HonestlyNatural discourse marker introducing a personal comment, I was disappointed first, because I worked hard for this plan and I wanted the lake, but at the end I enjoyed it more, because we played to late evening and nobody was afraid about the road. I learned that a good day is about people and not about the place.

Band 7

I’d like to talk about a plan I had to change last April: a Saturday picnic by the Charvak reservoir with six classmates from my course. We’d been organising it for a fortnight, everyone had a job, I was in charge of the route and transport, and we’d agreed to leave at eight in the morning. But on Friday night the forecast changed to heavy rain for the whole weekend, and the road to the lake can getsVerb form error: should be “can get” very muddy, so it quickly became clear that the original plan had fallen throughNatural phrasal verb for a plan that fails. After a lot of messages, we decided to move everything to my friend Timur’s house, which has a big living room, instead of calling the whole day off”Instead of” with a gerund used accurately. We brought the food we’d already prepared, and Timur’s mother lent us two board games. In the end, I enjoyed it more than I’d expectedReflective discourse marker answering the explain line: we played until late and nobody had to worry about getting home in the dark. I was disappointed at first, but it taught me that a good day depends on the people more than the place.

Band 8

I’d like to talk about a plan I had to change last April: a Saturday picnic by the Charvak reservoir with six classmates from my course. We’d been organising it for a fortnight, everyone had a job, I was in charge of the route and transport, and we’d agreed to leave at eight in the morning. But on Friday night the forecast changed to heavy rain for the whole weekend, and the road to the lake can get very muddy, so it quickly became clear that the original plan wasn’t sensible. After a lot of messages, we decided that, instead of calling it off, we’d move everything to my friend Timur’s house, which has a big living room. We brought the food we’d already prepared, and Timur’s mother lent us two board games. In the end, I enjoyed it more than I’d expectedReflective discourse marker answering the explain line: we played until late, nobody had to worry about getting home before dark, and we talked more than we would have outdoorsConditional ellipsis used naturally. I was disappointed at first, but it taught me that a good day depends on the people far more than on the place.